I went to the bank to cash my paycheck when the teller told me my son had overdrawn his checking account and has been charged $33 a day for the past three days. I had to fork over about half my paycheck to cover his rear end. I was very mad as I stood at the teller's window. I just feel like my son is getting in debt. He now owes me about 370.00 dollars. I just am really tired of things right now. He needs money for things at school, he has a part time job at school but it seems to never end or for him to get ahead. Maybe I am whining and that is just the way things are. I feel like I am drowning in kid expenses and that I can not save much anymore. I am very confused and feel very discouraged today. When I think of myself as old I wonder how the heck I will be able to live. Kids need this kids need that.....I am really in a slump today. It does not help to keep seeing news reports that things stink all over the place right now. I can't seem to make sense of it right now. Just difficult.
I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE. I just can't seem to figure out how to curb so many expenses that my kids seem to rack up.
I just felt sick cashing that paycheck and then handing most of it back to the teller. I work hard and it seems if I treat myself to a candy bar I feel it is not justified and feel tremendous guilt. I feel very depressed over money today.
My daughter birthday is in April and I just don't even want tohave apart or buy her too many gifts. Sad but that is how I feel. I am not looking forward to her birthday---I just look at everything as money and expenses.
Rough Friday
March 1st, 2008 at 03:03 pm
March 1st, 2008 at 03:43 pm 1204386213
My sister is in a similar situation as you. She has an ex-husband that lavishes gifts on the kids. She just can't do it and tells the kids that. But they rather spend time with my sister because she gives them quality time that their father doesn't.
March 1st, 2008 at 03:51 pm 1204386665
If your son is old enough to have a checking account, he is old enough to learn the consequences of his actions. If mom steps in and pays his fees, he does not learn the lesson of overdrawing his account. The bank where your son has his account should have someone on staff who can sit down with him to explain how these things work. If not, you should have a chat with him and explain that you will NOT be able to bail him out again. Then, you should get your name off his account...(if your name is not on his account, the bank teller violated privacy rules big time)...Once your name is off his account, you are not obligated to the bank for any overdrafts your son makes.
Mom, you need to set boundaries...otherwise you will find yourself without when it is time to retire. As a mom, we do feel obligated to our kids...but more importantly, you need to take care of you.
Good luck.
March 1st, 2008 at 05:23 pm 1204392194
Your son will NEVER accept responsilbity or maintain accountability if you choose to carry the weight of his world on your shoulders. Cut the strings and put him in a position to choose. Either responsilibty or consequences. May God be with you and may He touch your heart with the light of His love during your "down" times.
March 1st, 2008 at 05:27 pm 1204392466
March 1st, 2008 at 08:22 pm 1204402973
AS as side bar I am even considering taking the girls out of private school. I do not have to pay any tuition my ex pays it all.....but they would be closer to home and more things are free thru the schools. I would save gas too. So I am thinking what helps me as much as what is good for the kids. It would make my life easier. Sorry to say. It is a good school but the schools here in town are fine and dandy.
I really need to find balance at this point. If I really look at it and t hink about it...my kids love me if I spend $5 on them or $500.00. So I am not going to fuss anymore.
If you have anymore wisdom please let me know. I really appareciate your commnets!!! I mean that.
I feel better already.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:23 am 1204417400
We cannot enable them to depend on us and when my son graduates in June, the car is his but he better have a job to start to learn how to live and budget his money.
March 2nd, 2008 at 02:04 am 1204423481
I am 25 years old. I ask my Grandma for help all the time. She said one time she could not help me as my 50+ old uncle needed help with his overdrawn account.
I understood that she was stretched out. I bum, he bums, they have no incoming source of money.
I have fixed my problems, making sure that nothing like overdraft charges happens again.
My uncle on the other hand, has a wife, going to college, and three step daughters, who are having kid after kid, living with them; but he also has three children in Germany that he is paying child support for.
I do feel for him, but if I made his kind of money, me and my two children would be very well off.
March 2nd, 2008 at 02:23 am 1204424614
March 2nd, 2008 at 04:28 pm 1204475297
March 2nd, 2008 at 04:43 pm 1204476226
March 2nd, 2008 at 04:46 pm 1204476418
March 2nd, 2008 at 07:25 pm 1204485927
March 2nd, 2008 at 07:52 pm 1204487528
The other question I have is does your son actually have a spending issue? Does he actually spend knowing he doesn't have the money or is he just a poor budgeter and needs help understanding and setting up a budget... he oculd just need help making a budget and spending accordingly. If this is the case maybe you could help him write one out and help him stick to it.
Either way I wish you luck. You have been through a lot and life has got you down. I wish I had the perfect words to say to you to make it all better, but I don't. You are a great mom, this I can tell and your kids love you. Time makes things better. Please know that you are right you are not alone and that it will get better.
March 5th, 2008 at 04:15 am 1204690545
And I can't tell you the last time my mom even gave me a card for my birthday let alone more than one gift. I guess what I am saying is you can love your kids with out all their wants. It's ok to help your son once in a while (we all fall short ) it's ok to give your daughter a card and not the entire store
Good luck
March 9th, 2008 at 04:53 am 1205038412