Layout:
Home > Rough Friday

Rough Friday

March 1st, 2008 at 03:03 pm

I went to the bank to cash my paycheck when the teller told me my son had overdrawn his checking account and has been charged $33 a day for the past three days. I had to fork over about half my paycheck to cover his rear end. I was very mad as I stood at the teller's window. I just feel like my son is getting in debt. He now owes me about 370.00 dollars. I just am really tired of things right now. He needs money for things at school, he has a part time job at school but it seems to never end or for him to get ahead. Maybe I am whining and that is just the way things are. I feel like I am drowning in kid expenses and that I can not save much anymore. I am very confused and feel very discouraged today. When I think of myself as old I wonder how the heck I will be able to live. Kids need this kids need that.....I am really in a slump today. It does not help to keep seeing news reports that things stink all over the place right now. I can't seem to make sense of it right now. Just difficult.
I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE. I just can't seem to figure out how to curb so many expenses that my kids seem to rack up.

I just felt sick cashing that paycheck and then handing most of it back to the teller. I work hard and it seems if I treat myself to a candy bar I feel it is not justified and feel tremendous guilt. I feel very depressed over money today.

My daughter birthday is in April and I just don't even want tohave apart or buy her too many gifts. Sad but that is how I feel. I am not looking forward to her birthday---I just look at everything as money and expenses.

15 Responses to “Rough Friday”

  1. anonymouse Says:
    1204386213

    Your son will not become responsible with his money if you keep bailing him out. Make your children realize that you are not made of money. Show them how much you earn and how much you pay for your and their expenses. Why do you have to buy your daughter so many gifts for her birthday? Why don't you just spend a day with her instead doing some things that are frugal? Why do you have them in such an expensive activity (dancing) if you can't afford it?
    My sister is in a similar situation as you. She has an ex-husband that lavishes gifts on the kids. She just can't do it and tells the kids that. But they rather spend time with my sister because she gives them quality time that their father doesn't.

  2. Thrifty Ray Says:
    1204386665

    I have to toss in some tough love here...

    If your son is old enough to have a checking account, he is old enough to learn the consequences of his actions. If mom steps in and pays his fees, he does not learn the lesson of overdrawing his account. The bank where your son has his account should have someone on staff who can sit down with him to explain how these things work. If not, you should have a chat with him and explain that you will NOT be able to bail him out again. Then, you should get your name off his account...(if your name is not on his account, the bank teller violated privacy rules big time)...Once your name is off his account, you are not obligated to the bank for any overdrafts your son makes.

    Mom, you need to set boundaries...otherwise you will find yourself without when it is time to retire. As a mom, we do feel obligated to our kids...but more importantly, you need to take care of you.

    Good luck.

  3. Mooshocker Says:
    1204392194

    My Sister in Christ. God wants all of us to seek happiness and faith. He wants us all to maintain a healthy, Christ filled life and reap the rewards of our labor that He has filled us with the energy, mind and strength to maintain. That said, He could not save all those in His life because some chose to turn from Him.

    Your son will NEVER accept responsilbity or maintain accountability if you choose to carry the weight of his world on your shoulders. Cut the strings and put him in a position to choose. Either responsilibty or consequences. May God be with you and may He touch your heart with the light of His love during your "down" times.

  4. Frayed Buckeye Card Says:
    1204392466

    I second Thrifty Ray. Show your children the facts of the family life. Otherwise, in the years to come they will have to take care of you. That should give them some insight.

  5. Front Porch Mom Says:
    1204402973

    Oh my such great and wise wisdom.....!!! It really all makes sense what you have said. A HUGE THANK YOU!!!!!Part of it is some guilt I feel over the divorce. It was not my doing as far as giving up the marriage...yet I still feel some guilt in making things easier for my kids. They have been thru a wringer so to speak. My ex emailing us he is leaving....then right away walking out the door, having a girlfriend, gettting married, having a baby.....so mcuh crap to deal with in a short amount of time. I don't want them to have anymore pain so to speak. I can see how at times I DO want to make things easier and more pleasant for them. I think in some areas I am getting better at it....other areas-honestly---- I have some work to do. As far the checking account goes. I have sworn off any more help. My son did say to me today he hopes we have peanut butter and jelly as he can not eat lunch out this week while working...he will have to pack it. I found that very refreshing and encouraging to hear that at least NOW it is sinking in. We are also going to the bank to review his statement and look over their rules. He also helped plan some dinner menus this week. He knows he can't order a pizza or head out with friends. He is starting to see. The dance stuff I like to keep because it gives my girls something to do. I think I have to find a balance. Have a budget for dance and stick to it. So when we go out of town we have a set amount to spend and that is it when it is depleted. Birthdays.....same things......I think I will have a budget and take her out for some treats and stick to the budget. My daughter asked for a new bed. So I got my parents on the phone and they found a bed for $50.00 at the resale shop. My dad agreed to paint it for me and it looks great. So I have to just stick to my guns, have them understand as plain as I can be where I am coming from. I can't buy a bed at Pottery Barn...sorry.

    AS as side bar I am even considering taking the girls out of private school. I do not have to pay any tuition my ex pays it all.....but they would be closer to home and more things are free thru the schools. I would save gas too. So I am thinking what helps me as much as what is good for the kids. It would make my life easier. Sorry to say. It is a good school but the schools here in town are fine and dandy.

    I really need to find balance at this point. If I really look at it and t hink about it...my kids love me if I spend $5 on them or $500.00. So I am not going to fuss anymore.

    If you have anymore wisdom please let me know. I really appareciate your commnets!!! I mean that.
    I feel better already.

  6. lost in debt Says:
    1204417400

    Close the checking account and if you are not a signer on the account; they should not be telling you about his account with the new privacy laws nor taking money from you. If a child cannot handle an account they should not have one. I'm dealing the same issues with my son - the car repair, car expense, car insurance and cell phone. He hasn't worked a job yet and he turns 18 this month and graduates from high school in June. This is my third child, the other two were entirely different in that they got jobs and were more financially responsible.

    We cannot enable them to depend on us and when my son graduates in June, the car is his but he better have a job to start to learn how to live and budget his money.

  7. HelpMeFriend Says:
    1204423481

    If you think it will stop, you are wrong.
    I am 25 years old. I ask my Grandma for help all the time. She said one time she could not help me as my 50+ old uncle needed help with his overdrawn account.
    I understood that she was stretched out. I bum, he bums, they have no incoming source of money.
    I have fixed my problems, making sure that nothing like overdraft charges happens again.
    My uncle on the other hand, has a wife, going to college, and three step daughters, who are having kid after kid, living with them; but he also has three children in Germany that he is paying child support for.
    I do feel for him, but if I made his kind of money, me and my two children would be very well off.

  8. Thrifty Ray Says:
    1204424614

    FPM- If you guys do go to the bank to discuss his account, ASK if they can reverse any of the fees if he changes his behaiviors. I have reversed fees when it was a mistake and the account holder was earnest in making changes so that it did not happen again.

  9. boomeyers Says:
    1204475297

    I'm glad you are starting to feel better. You have a good handle on this by your added comments. I too tend to spoil the kids and let them whine me into buying things for them. It is so disappointing, a bad feeling. I feel so much better when I say no, but then I let myself be sucked into buying things! And as for the dance, if they enjoy it, it is wonderful. Like you said, just try to stick to your budget and choose splurges very carefully!

  10. Front Porch Mom Says:
    1204476226

    again thank you all for the wisdom. I am re-reading them over and soaking in the good advice. I am already making some changes. In fact church was so good. It was a wonderful sermon on why we don't let or allow popele to feel guilt over sin. We try to make things better or hurry and bale folks out when they need to face things like their consequences. Good timing wouldn't you say?? Again...thank you! Have a good Sunday everyone.

  11. Jane Doe Says:
    1204476418

    Have you considered having your son's paycheck direct deposited and then taking a payment for what he owes you from each paycheck he makes BEFORE he can start spending it?

  12. Front Porch Mom Says:
    1204485927

    That is a thought. I already asked my ex if he could call his brother (who my son works for) and have the checks made out to me. My ex feels that my son needs to pay me and if it does become a problem....then he will call and get that done. He feels our son needs to make good and he does not want to get too overly involved. SO far my son seems eager to pay back his debt to me.....I think he has really seen how stupid he has been. I notice a change already in his attitude. I have explained to him that it is fun to have some spending money in your pocket....but right now he has none as it all goes to me. I think he seeing the error in his ways.

  13. noexcusebudget Says:
    1204487528

    FPM... I agree with other posters above. Please close the checking acount. It seems your son would be fine doing the envelope type of budgeting. Secondly, please ask the branch manager is they can reverse any of those late fees. Explain the situation, tell them you are closing the account. I assume you have an account there too and were not just "cashing" your check there. They should be able to help. Tell your son it will help him see exactly what he has and what he is spending. It is often easier for people to feel money leaving their pocket when it actually does as apposed to writing a check.

    The other question I have is does your son actually have a spending issue? Does he actually spend knowing he doesn't have the money or is he just a poor budgeter and needs help understanding and setting up a budget... he oculd just need help making a budget and spending accordingly. If this is the case maybe you could help him write one out and help him stick to it.

    Either way I wish you luck. You have been through a lot and life has got you down. I wish I had the perfect words to say to you to make it all better, but I don't. You are a great mom, this I can tell and your kids love you. Time makes things better. Please know that you are right you are not alone and that it will get better.

  14. Amber Says:
    1204690545

    $33 dollars a day? This fee is crazy. I know this may seem tough but I would take my name off his account ASAP and I agree with everyone else, how will learn if you are bailing him out. I think that as parents one should not feel as though you HAVE to pay for your kids while they are in college, They are adults now. I don't know why we have this concepts. Grant it, it is nothing wrong with a few dollars here or there but we have to draw the line. When I first went to college many years ago I expected my mom to pay, how wrong I was. She did not give me one single coin not even for books.
    And I can't tell you the last time my mom even gave me a card for my birthday let alone more than one gift. I guess what I am saying is you can love your kids with out all their wants. It's ok to help your son once in a while (we all fall short ) it's ok to give your daughter a card and not the entire store
    Good luck

  15. reflectionite Says:
    1205038412

    i never had much as a child and to tell you the truth, any money i got from my dad, my mum would end up "borrowing" from me and never giving it back, and anything i needed i would either not get, or have to ask my dad for. in the end this has made me totally self-reliant, and i absolutely hate borrowing money off people, and i don't really feel right when someone gives me something for free or pays for something for me.

Leave a Reply

(Note: If you were logged in, we could automatically fill in these fields for you.)
*
Will not be published.
   

* Please spell out the number 4.  [ Why? ]

vB Code: You can use these tags: [b] [i] [u] [url] [email]